Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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