Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Randomize
