I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
