i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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