Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
