In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
