is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
