We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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