Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just made out with a guy for $7.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
