ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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