Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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