I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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