This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
