you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
