I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
