I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
