No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
