If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
