Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
