I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
did you just send me my own nude
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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