I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
