Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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