so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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