I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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