Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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