WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
