Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
