I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
