I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
