she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Everclear isn't food dammit
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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