I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
