mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Randomize
