If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
