how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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