it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
