Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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