Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
