omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
