Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
