please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
