Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
