Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Everyone says I win the strip club
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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