"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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