Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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