I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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