Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
