I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
