East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
