Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
