i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
