Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
